An estimated 154 million adults, or 75% of the US population, aged ≥20 y drink coffee; 49% drink coffee daily (Loftfield et al., 2016). It's been hypothesized that coffee and/or caffeine initiates a series of pharmacological effects that lead to the relaxation of penile smooth muscle and that subsequently could improve ED (Adebiyi & Adaikan, 2004).
In a study of diabetic rats treated with 10 and 20 mg/kg of caffeine per day, caffeine consumption improved the erectile function of the rats by up-regulating penile cGMP, which causes smooth muscle to relax (Yang et al., 2013).
Analyzing data for 3724 men (≥20 years old) who participated in the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, Lopez et al. (2015) found that men who drank 2-3 cups or 3-4 cups of coffee per day were less likely to report ED compared to men who drank less than a cup per day.
In another analysis of 7,298 men aged 40-75 years old who had ED, comparing highest (≥4 cups/day) with lowest (0 cups/day) coffee intake, Lopez et al. (2018) found that long-term coffee intake was not associated with risk of ED.
There is a theory that coffee can possibly pump up testosterone concentrations, thus enhancing blood flow to the penis. For example, Wedick et al., (2012) found that caffeinated coffee significantly increased total testosterone after 4 weeks. However, Lopez et al. (2019) identified no linear relationship between caffeine intake and testosterone levels in the total population.
In any case, it appears that regularly drinking coffee isn't going to negatively impact your sexual function.
Many men that I work with have explained to me that they aren't sure how to healthily express their sexual desire, how to embody their sexual energy. They often share stories of having to mask their sexual feelings, pretending that they're not their, or pretending that they're something else.
These men are worried that their sexual energy will be intrusive or uncomfortable for the people around them. They've been told that male sexuality and masculine sexual expression is predatory and coercive - which it can be.
This is reinforced by the cultural ideal of manliness, where strength is everything while emotions are a weakness; where sex and brutality are yardsticks by which men are measured, while supposedly ‘feminine’ traits — which can range from emotional vulnerability to simply not being hypersexual — are the means by which your status as ‘man’ can be taken away.
What I say to these men is that hiding or stifling your sexual desire, pretending that it isn't there, or disguising it as something else, will only perpetuate this problem. Because often your expression of sexual feelings is then perceived as disingenuous and disconcerting.
For these men, there is need to peel back the layers of conditioning and fear. There is the fear of being "that guy." There is the fear of being aroused in public. God forbid you have an erection in public. There is the fear of sexual rejection if you do express your desires. And so on.
I teach men to comfortably embody their sexuality, to breathe into their sexual energy, to not let it create tension in their body, to cultivate integrity with their desires, to communicate with honesty from the heart.
If it isn't a banana in your pocket, and you really are happy to see someone, are you able to own that feeling, be comfortable and confident with it as you experience it in your body, be present with it and communicate it with both your body language and voice?
Try approaching it this way and see how things shift for you as well as the people you're interacting with.
Typically, the penis is quite sensitive immediately following an ejaculatory orgasm. This coincides with the refractory period and some people find their penis too sensitive to touch during this time. Hence, POT is the continued stimulation of the genitals straight after ejaculation.
Often uncomfortable and sometimes painful, POT can be likened to tickling. For a person who is ticklish, the sensation of being tickled can be overwhelming. Their body may involuntarily jerk and buck to escape. Similarly, the heightened sensitivity of the penis after ejaculation can cause that person to involuntarily kick and move to try and escape the stimulation.
Because of this, restraints are commonly used during POT. Incorporating bondage ensures the person being "tortured" cannot stop their "torturer." This adds an element of power play, whereby it puts the "torturer" in a position of power and makes the person being "tortured" feel vulnerable as they lose control over their body.
The key to successful POT is clear, open communication and consent between all involved. As this type of play does involve discomfort and potential pain, the person being "tortured" should share a safe word or physical action that indicates the "torturer" should stop.
When POT is performed on a person with a penis, try focusing on the sensitive glans. The "torture" will be most effective if it occurs while the penis is still erect. Cock rings can help maintain the erection after ejaculation.
Some people may sustain POT until the refractory period is over and the discomfort abates and the person being "tortured" is ready to continue sexual activity.
Another use of POT may be as a punishment for premature ejaculation or even as part of a game. If your partner comes too quickly, or before you, POT can be used in conjunction with other physical punishment or verbal degradation or humiliation to heighten the experience.
The term erogenous zone comes from the Greek words eros, meaning "love" and -genḗs, meaning "born." It originally referred to the now declassified mental disorder of female hysteria and the apparent areas of the body which evoked orgasm as a form of treatment (Ellis, 1914).
In the 1930s, fashion historian James Laver and psychologist John Flugel theorized that women's fashions were governed by the "seduction principle" and their clothing was designed to attract. According to them, women's fashion attracted men by selectively exposing and concealing various parts of the female anatomy. Thus, fashion change was based on "shifting erogenous zones."
So, erogenous zones have historically been defined as areas of the human body which may generate a sexual response. Specific areas of the body, such as the lips, nipples and genitals, are associated with sexual response because they have a high density of nerve endings and may have a capacity to stimulate arousal (Schober et al., 2011), especially compared to normal-haired skin (Winkelmann, 1959).
The problem with thinking about the body as having specific zones which stimulate an erotic response is that it prioritizes and even fetishizes these areas. I notice this is especially true for people in male bodies. The thinking is that they can only experience pleasurable sensations from their cock, that this is their only erogenous zone.
Really though, your whole body is one big erogenous zone. You're not just your dick, you're whole body is one big dick. Your whole body can experience pleasure. Don't limit your pleasure to one or two zones
Have you ever worried about the size of your 🍆? Over 90% of men have at one point in their life, so I'm guessing you have too. I know I have, especially when the average male p0rnstar's 🍆 is several inches bigger than the average civilian's.
This lead to a lot of anxiety about how much pleasure I could give my partner, if I could satisfy them. None of the courses I took or any of my teachers addressed this issue and so I used to think that size really, really mattered. And, in a way it does. But not in the way you may think.
What if I told you that your 🍆 is actually 3 feet long?
A concept introduced to me by @nicspads is: Instead of thinking that your 🍆 starts at your pubic bone, where your pubic hair is, imagine that it starts at the back of your neck, where the top of your spine begins. Your entire spine is part of your 🍆 and it contributes immensely to how much pleasure you and your partner experience.
If your spine is inflexible and stiff then you're not engaging it and you're not penetrating your partner with it, so you really are only working with however many inches are in your pants.
Size does matter. It matters whether or not you're spine, your 3 foot long 🍆, is being used to expand and experience pleasure.
Something I see in the spirituality/sacred sexuality community is the Appeal to Nature fallacy, which can be summarised: (1) That which is natural is good, (2) X is natural, (3) therefore, X is good. It can also be the negative sense: (1) That which is natural is good, (2) Y is not natural, (3) therefore, Y is not good. The Appeal to Nature is a logical fallacy because it poorly defines what is considered “natural” and presupposes that everything “natural” is indeed “good.”
I’ve also noticed the Appeal to Nature fallacy in discussions about sex toys. Among certain purveyors, it's believed that vibrations and synthetic materials are not natural and are thus not good and should therefore not be used. Some believe that using a vibrator will lead to “Dead Vagina Syndrome," a significant decrease in vaginal sensitivity.
When people say vibrators are unnatural and shouldn’t be used, my instinct is to retort, “Cars and planes are also unnatural, so does that mean we should never use them, and just stick to walking instead?” This isn’t conducive for civil discussion so here's some research.
While genital desensitization was reported in one study by 16.5% of women who have ever used a vibrator, it was largely described as mild and transitory (Herbenick et al., 2009). In other words, the genital nerves may adapt to high intensity vibratory stimulation and thus be temporarily less responsive to other forms of stimulation or lower intensity stimulation, but this state improves quickly with the introduction of new types of stimulation. Similarly, it is unlikely that, given the continuous restructuring of female genital nerve beds, vibrator use could result in long-term genital desensitization (Prause et al., 2012).
Yes, the pudendal nerve can potentially be temporarily overwhelmed by constant vibration. Nerves like variety. To avoid vibrator fatigue, choose a toy with different intensity settings and patterns to switch things up. It can also help to put up a barrier, like a sheet or underwear, between the vibrator and clitoris. Focussing on the whole genitals, not just exclusively the clitoris, can also help prevent temporary desensitization.
I've spoken before about how I think it is important for us to be mindful of the language we use to describe penises, moving away from words like "rod," "bat" and "gun," which equate the penis with an inanimate, weapon-like object.
It can be valuable to think of the penis as something softer and more tender in order to broaden our perception of penises and the people who have them. This speaks to the use of metaphor, the essence being understanding and experiencing one kind of thing in terms of another (Lakoff & Johnson, 1980).
However, it is also important to acknowledge and own the power of the penis. The penis is powerful. And, there a few ways that this power needs to be acknowledged. Firstly, the penis can and has been used as a weapon. For example, Javaid (2018) discusses nuanced findings about men who rape other men as a way in which to exercise power and control. This is the penis as a weapon of power.
But the penis can also be powerful without being weaponized. While it may be difficult to see the penis as something other than subtly representing dominance over others, the penis can be reframed, as it is in some cultures, as representing generative power or a potent source of pleasure.
Black feminist Minna Salami argues that we need to resist the idea that the penis does not embody sensuality, beauty and love, whether erect or soft. She further argues that it is important to shift away from patriarchal ideas of male sexual aggression which present the penis as a symbol of domination.
If you or your partner have a penis, I invite you to lean in and acknowledge the power of the penis. If you have a penis, own that power. All of that power, from the destructive to the generative, from the pain it can inflict to the pleasure it can elicit.
This is just my opinion. As I understand it, Kundalini Tantra practices are about exploring Shakti, the Divine Feminine, the Great Goddess. Shakti is essentially energy; the spiritual power within every existing thing, including human beings.
The universe operates in terms of energy, frequency and vibration. Everything vibrates at a molecular level (Magnasco, 2013). In fact, resonance patterns - or the harmonization of vibrations - have been observed in living and non-living structures of many types (Hunt & Schooler, 2019). Kundalini is sometimes referred to as the Divine Vibration.
So, Kundalini is ever-present. Its an energy that has always and will always exist. It is the energy that our physical and subtle bodies are imbued with. This can be observed in the womb using a fluorescent sensor. Before the development of an embryo or anything physical, there is a spark of light (Duncan et al., 2016).
This light, this energy, this vibration, from which the body is formed, is Kundalini. It is always there, but the physical and energetic blockages that our body develops prevent us from observing or accessing this energy. Like light shining through a window. Kundalini is the light. Our body is the window. And our blockages are like mud on the window which prevents the light from shining through.
Kundalini isn't dormant. It doesn't need to be awakened. It is always there, we just need to remove our blockages, wipe away the mud, and allow the light to shine through us. We can learn practices to release these blockages. This is what a lot of Tantric practices do, including sexual practices.
Sexual energy can be awoken, it can be aroused and drawn up from the genitals, like a serpent rising from the base of the spine. But convulsions and orgasmic waves of energy are not Kundalini. They're experiences of sexual energy, which can be used to clear blockages. That is, sexual energy can be moved through the body to help us wipe away the mud and observe the light of Kundalini. Although sexual energy and Kundalini are linked, there is a distinction between the two.
I recently chatted with Parish Blair (@sexyspirittv) about oral sex. She helped me reflect on my own perceptions and offered a great reframe.
I was introduced to oral sex in my mid-teens, before intercourse. There was a sense of being welcomed into the club. My mates and I would tease those who hadn't experienced it. There was also a perception about the teenage girls who "gave head." They were considered more promiscuous, particularly if they also "put out" and had intercourse.
When I started having intercourse, this mentality shifted. My mates and I started teasing those who hadn't had "real" sex yet. When I shared with my mates about receiving oral sex, I remember them saying, "Yeah, but did you fuck her?" It was as if oral sex didn't count.
In my twenties, this became more true for me. I downplayed my desire for oral sex and pushed myself to have penetrative sex because that's what counts. I also still held an idea about the women who "gave head." I played into the narrative that "good girls don't do that." Regarding relationships, I wanted to date a "good girl," not a promiscuous woman.
Of course, this was all a warped perception of sex, masculinity and women. It made me feel ashamed about desiring oral sex and it made me project shame onto the women who gave oral sex. This tainted both my own experiences and no doubt the experiences of the women I was intimate with.
I notice a resistance many men have to fully surrendering and receiving oral sex because they think they need to be doing something, they need to be the active participant, that's the role of the man. This can add to the shame. Paradoxically, if a woman refuses to give oral sex, he may also feel shame, thinking something is wrong with him or his penis.
Parish explained that oral sex can be healing for both people. When done with gratitude and appreciation, it can dissolve shame and totally shift the way oral sex is perceived. She has a fascinating workshop called "How to Give a BJ With a Heart Full of Gratitude" which she was gracious enough to share with the women in my online course. I definitely recommend checking out her work at @sexyspirittv
The first erection.
It is common for newborn babies to get an erection. Even before the moment of birth, ultrasound scans have shown fetuses with fully formed erections (Sherer et al., 1990). According to one study, fetal erections occur mostly during REM sleep (Koyanagi et al., 1991). And, they can happen a number of times each hour (Shirozu et al., 1995).
The phenomenon of fetal erection has actually been recognized for about four decades (Hitchcock et al., 1980; Welder, 1981). Advancements in technology made it possible to demonstrate its occurrence even before the 16th week of gestation (Chamberlain, 1996).
Its thought that fetal penile erections are evidence of appropriate genital development and adequate hormonal and neurogenic supply. Therefore the occurrence of erection may be a positive sign of fetal well being (Jacokovitis, 2004).
The final erection.
Not only can you get erections in the womb, but you can also get an erection when you die. These death erections, also called angel lust or terminal erections, most commonly occur in men who have died from hanging, whether by execution or suicide (Byard, 1994).
As early as the mid-nineteenth century, observations were made of a more or less complete state of erection of the penis, with discharge of urine, mucus or prostatic fluid present in one of three cases of hanging (Guy, 1861). Erections sometimes occur after spinal cord injuries, with pessure on the cerebellum supposedly accounting for this (Gould & Pyle, 1900).
According to Kaplan and Horwith (1983), there is ample experimental and clinical evidence to support the idea that erections occur during hanging due to the central inhibition of erection being released.
The human body is fascinating and erections are a so much more than simple indicators of arousal.