Something I see in the spirituality/sacred sexuality community is the Appeal to Nature fallacy, which can be summarised: (1) That which is natural is good, (2) X is natural, (3) therefore, X is good. It can also be the negative sense: (1) That which is natural is good, (2) Y is not natural, (3) therefore, Y is not good. The Appeal to Nature is a logical fallacy because it poorly defines what is considered “natural” and presupposes that everything “natural” is indeed “good.”

I’ve also noticed the Appeal to Nature fallacy in discussions about sex toys. Among certain purveyors, it's believed that vibrations and synthetic materials are not natural and are thus not good and should therefore not be used. Some believe that using a vibrator will lead to “Dead Vagina Syndrome," a significant decrease in vaginal sensitivity.

When people say vibrators are unnatural and shouldn’t be used, my instinct is to retort, “Cars and planes are also unnatural, so does that mean we should never use them, and just stick to walking instead?” This isn’t conducive for civil discussion so here's some research.

While genital desensitization was reported in one study by 16.5% of women who have ever used a vibrator, it was largely described as mild and transitory (Herbenick et al., 2009). In other words, the genital nerves may adapt to high intensity vibratory stimulation and thus be temporarily less responsive to other forms of stimulation or lower intensity stimulation, but this state improves quickly with the introduction of new types of stimulation. Similarly, it is unlikely that, given the continuous restructuring of female genital nerve beds, vibrator use could result in long-term genital desensitization (Prause et al., 2012).

Yes, the pudendal nerve can potentially be temporarily overwhelmed by constant vibration. Nerves like variety. To avoid vibrator fatigue, choose a toy with different intensity settings and patterns to switch things up. It can also help to put up a barrier, like a sheet or underwear, between the vibrator and clitoris. Focussing on the whole genitals, not just exclusively the clitoris, can also help prevent temporary desensitization.

​This is just my opinion. As I understand it, Kundalini Tantra practices are about exploring Shakti, the Divine Feminine, the Great Goddess. Shakti is essentially energy; the spiritual power within every existing thing, including human beings.

The universe operates in terms of energy, frequency and vibration. Everything vibrates at a molecular level (Magnasco, 2013). In fact, resonance patterns - or the harmonization of vibrations - have been observed in living and non-living structures of many types (Hunt & Schooler, 2019). Kundalini is sometimes referred to as the Divine Vibration.

So, Kundalini is ever-present. Its an energy that has always and will always exist. It is the energy that our physical and subtle bodies are imbued with. This can be observed in the womb using a fluorescent sensor. Before the development of an embryo or anything physical, there is a spark of light (Duncan et al., 2016).
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This light, this energy, this vibration, from which the body is formed, is Kundalini. It is always there, but the physical and energetic blockages that our body develops prevent us from observing or accessing this energy. Like light shining through a window. Kundalini is the light. Our body is the window. And our blockages are like mud on the window which prevents the light from shining through.

Kundalini isn't dormant. It doesn't need to be awakened. It is always there, we just need to remove our blockages, wipe away the mud, and allow the light to shine through us. We can learn practices to release these blockages. This is what a lot of Tantric practices do, including sexual practices.

Sexual energy can be awoken, it can be aroused and drawn up from the genitals, like a serpent rising from the base of the spine. But convulsions and orgasmic waves of energy are not Kundalini. They're experiences of sexual energy, which can be used to clear blockages. That is, sexual energy can be moved through the body to help us wipe away the mud and observe the light of Kundalini. Although sexual energy and Kundalini are linked, there is a distinction between the two.

​I speak a lot about the intricacies leading up to and during sex, but what are you doing after sex has finished?

Contrary to what porn would have you believe, sex doesn't finish at the "money shot." And, unlike what you may see in movies, you shouldn't just roll over, have a cigarette and go to sleep after sex. Instead, if the sex is good, try enjoying that lingering feeling of pleasure, or sexual afterglow, because it may be more important for your relationship than orgasms.

Spouses who experienced stronger afterglow reported higher levels of marital satisfaction compared to spouses who have not (Meltzer et al., 2017). Specifically, after-sex affectionate activities, such as kissing, cuddling, and hugging, are crucial to sexual afterglow, playing a more important role in sexual and relationship satisfaction than foreplay or the duration of intercourse (Muise, et al., 2014).

The value of these behaviors is particularly high after sex, since they confirm that the relationship bond is deeper than a brief, superficial physical act. After-sex affectionate activities also prolong the duration of sexuality, thereby enabling it to have a greater impact on the relationship.

In fact, in a study of newlywed couples, sexual afterglow remained for about 48 hours after sex, and those with a stronger afterglow had higher overall marital satisfaction, implying that it is the afterglow, rather than the number of orgasms, which best correlates to the length and quality of the relationship (Danovich, 2017).

The pleasant sexual afterglow can involve the wish to have more sex. As Whipple and Brash-McGreer posit in their Circular Model of female sexual response, pleasure and satisfaction during one sexual experience can feed into the initiation of the next sexual experience. If pleasure and satisfaction were not met, it would decrease the desire for subsequent sexual interactions. Therefore, those who enjoy sex are more likely to enjoy it more, thereby enhancing their current romantic relationship.

So, take time to enjoy yourself and your partner after sex. Revel in the those pleasurable post-sex feelings and get affectionate with each other.