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It is nearing the end of International Masturbation Month. If you’ve been celebrating the month, you might have used your hands celebrate yourself a few times this month as well. While our using our hands during self-pleasuring can be enjoyable, there is value in exploring and experimenting with toys.
The simple fact is toys can do things that your hands can’t. From vibrating to pulsating to rumbling to buzzing, toys can offer us a wide variety of stimulation and sensation that our hands are unable to provide. The beauty of this is that toys allow us to explore new pathways of pleasure in our body. A vibrator for example, may have a particular function that stimulates you in a novel way, giving you an opportunity to experience a pleasurable sensation that you’ve never felt before. These new sensations can help us learn about our body and the ways in which we experience pleasure. If you’re used to using you hand to self-pleasure in an up-and-down, friction-based way, toys such as strokers and sleeve-like masturbatory aids offer a totally different experience than your hand. The soft silicone of these toys more closely resembles the texture and firmness of another person’s body, which can help you to explore the ways in which you feel overstimulated and need to slow down or the ways in which you feel like you can keep going and last longer. While your hand can help with this, it is usually much more effective – and pleasurable! – to use a toy with some lube. Overall, toys are great extensions of our own self-pleasuring. Some toys require the use of your hands, others do not. Some toys are small, and you might forget you’re using one. Other toys are large and demand that you be present with them. In all cases, the use of a toy can be a way to lean into your curiosity, explore new sensations, and learn more about your pleasure.
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You may have seen the beautiful artwork [swipe to see] comparing vocal chords and the vulva (from @luisaalexandre), bringing light to the connection between these areas of the female body, noting the body's tendency to replicate and repeat (by @myorgasmiclife). I felt inspired to create my own version for male bodies. I'm no artist but managed to rustle up this rendition of the pituitary gland and testicles to highlight the link between brain and balls. They're similar in shape but also share an neuroendocrinological and energetic connection. Sperm production requires a complex interaction between two parts of the brain, the hypothalamus and pituitary gland, and the testes. The relationship is referred to as the hypothalamic-pituitary-gonadal axis (HPG axis), describing the direct and critical link between the brain and balls. Dysregulation of the HPG axis can lead to loss of cognitive function (Vadakkadath et al., 2005). It is important to maintain healthy interactions between the brain and balls. One way to do this is gently, rhythmically squeezing your testicles. The testicles actually contain three times as many unique proteins than the brain, according to The Human Protein Atlas. Our biological processes are carried out by proteins, which give each organ its function. To support this, you can shake and chant, vibrating both your actual balls and the little balls in your brain. Energetically, the pituitary gland is sometimes associated with Ajna Chakra, the third eye, and the gonads with Muladhara, the root Chakra. These are the two poles of energy in our body. Muladhara represents everything in its potential state, all that we could realize, express and become. Kundalini is said to lie dormant here. Ajna is the chakra of the mind, the chakra by which we are aware. It is fundamental for awakening consciousness. The infinite energy is at Muladhara, but we become aware of it through Ajna. All energetic centres are important, but Ajna and Muladhara, the brain and the balls, are the two easiest ones to concentrate on in order to bring about the greatest awakening of energy and release the maximum possibilities and creativity in life.  In ancient Roman religion and magic, the fascinus or fascinum was the embodiment of the divine phallus, often depicted as a winged phallus. The English word "fascinate" ultimately derives from the late 16th century Latin fascinat, in the sense "bewitch," from the verb fascinare, from fascinum, "spell, witchcraft." . Roman myths suggest that the phallus was an embodiment of a masculine generative power, regarded as sacred. Winged phallic charms were ubiquitous in Roman culture, appearing as objects of jewellery such as pendants and finger rings, relief carvings, lamps, and wind chimes. Fascinus was thought to ward off evil from children, mainly boys, and from conquering generals. The protective function of the phallus is usually related to the virile and regenerative powers of an erect phallus. The magic of the divine phallus was manifested in it's capacity for tumescence and detumescence, that is to become erect, then flaccid, essentially dying, and becoming erect again, being re-erected, or resurrected. The English words "resurrection" and "erection" are ultimately derived from the same etymon. Resurrection is derived from resurgere, from re- and surgere, the syncopated form of subrigere, from sub- and regere. Erection is derived from erectus, the perfect passive participle of the verb erigere, from e- and regere. Remember and reconnect with the magic and sacredness of the phallus. If you're the owner of a penis, tap into these in your own body, recognizing the magic and sacredness that is the process of your erection, from tumescence, as well as your detumescence, becoming flaccid again.  🎨 @book.of.phallus.illustrations Just about every man - regardless of the actual size of his penis - worries about being too small. In fact, according to a 2008 study in the Journal of Health Psychology, men list the size of their penises among their top body concerns along with height and weight. Some men experience extreme self-consciousness regarding their penis size, fretting that others will be able to see the size or shape of their penis even when they have trousers on. Wylie and Eardley (2007) call this excessive concern 'small penis syndrome'. A man might not actually have a small or short penis, but that doesn’t mean this psychological condition can’t have an impact for him physically. For example, men who think they have a small penis might be less likely to visit sexual health clinics for check-ups. Most men find the combination of sex education with standard penile measurements helpful and relieving. This combination can correct any previous sexual misconceptions, relieve unnecessary anxiety concerning penile size, and decrease the desire to undertake still-to-be verified lengthening procedures (Shamloul, 2005). . While reassurance about average sizes is often comforting for most men, for some men who are very anxious, it doesn’t make any difference to them because they feel that they are inferior. It's an emotional feeling of penis shame and can sometimes be a symptom of an underlying anxiety problem. If you find yourself worrying about your penis size on a daily basis, or if the intensity of your anxiety seems excessive, you may want to focus on daily anxiety management. Mindfulness practices such as meditation and breathing exercises can help to reduce your anxiety. Additionally, you may want to try minimizing your anxiety triggers. For example, watching mainstream porn can expose you to skewed representations of penis size. So watching less mainstream porn or watching porn with more diversity can be helpful.  Golden rule: Touch your partner the way they want to be touched, not the way you want to be touched  When I receive messages like this, I remember how important this work is. Many men don't have a framework for speaking about sex and sexuality. We're often told how not to express our sexuality and what not to do. The only models that are really available for men to use as examples for expressing their sexuality are pick up artists and Tantra gurus. I want to help normalize men's sexuality and pleasure. I want to create a new model for men that is an example of how to be comfortable with their sexuality and how to express it healthily, without any misogynistic or dogmatic overtones. Men are human beings. Human beings are sexual beings. Men are sexual beings. There is nothing wrong with that. It's time to break down the stigma and bust the myths around men and sex and pleasure. Time to overcome limiting beliefs and have full-bodied, self-expressed sexual experiences free of anxiety or shame.  Orgasm Denial. Orgasm denial falls under the umbrella of orgasm control. Essentially, you’re not allowed to orgasm, either at all, for a specified period or until you complete a task. Orgasm denial can be a done alone, but it also works well with partners. The idea of denying an orgasm may sound counterintuitive to pleasure. However, this kink is actually pretty common. Denying or delaying an orgasm can actually lead to a more intense experience in the end. Putting off orgasm can also create sexual chemistry. Being in control of someone’s orgasm, which includes telling them not to cum and telling them when they finally can cum, can be a turn on. Handing over that control is can also be arousing. Everyone can experience orgasm denial, which include complete denial, tease and denial, and ruined orgasm. Some examples are denying orgasm a specific number of times before you allow yourself or your partner to orgasm, not allowing your partner to orgasm until you issue the command, not not allowing yourself or your partner to orgasm until a specific date, allowing orgasm as a reward for doing something specific, allowing orgasm only if your partner doesn't use their hands, and only allowing a certain time to reach orgasm or stopping and starting stimulation sporadically. Sex toys such as chastity belts and cock cages are available to aid in your orgasm denial games. Locking your penis in a specially designed cage that prevents you from getting full erections or using your penis for sex can be extremely exciting for some people. Others say orgasm denial increases your sex drive and improves your focus. It also obviously heightens the stakes of a dom/sub relationship, with a master or mistress able to punish their sub by denying them not just sex but the ability to orgasm. Of course, there are levels of orgasm denial and going straight for a cock cage may seem extreme. But, experimenting with the withholding of your or your partner's orgasm can add variety to your solo or partnered sexual experinces. It can even open the door for exploring other pleasurable sensations in your body that perhaps don't necessarily lead to orgasm.  I've spoken before about how you can intentionally use your ejaculation as a clearing tool to let go off emotional and energetic baggage you've been holding on to which has been weighing you down. You may feel lighter after an ejaculation like this, revitalized, like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.
With full awareness, we can also use ejaculation as a manifestation tool to create not only in a reproductive sense but also in an energetic sense. Of course, with an ejaculation there is the potential to conceive via fertilization of a partner's egg. However, there is also the potential to conceive an idea, to explosively bring something into existence. Spiritually speaking, this is because your seminal fluid, your sacred fluid, is connected to your creative, life giving energy. In Yogic philosophy, it is known as ojas. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, it is known as jing. In ancient Greek medicine, it is known as pneuma. That is why using ejaculation as a manifestation tool can make you feel depleted. Because you're using some of your own life giving energy to explosively create something else. It can leave you feeling drained. Which is why it is necessary to have a robust nourishment and self-care practice as part of your intentional ejaculation. Learning about the ways in which you can use your ejaculation as a tool is an opportunity to establish a deeper relationship with your body and your seminal fluid in particular. It is powerful and potent. Honouring this can be a rich experience for you and your partner. Recently, I’ve received several messages and comments from people asking me why I even bother either responding to people who make inappropriate comments on my posts or making videos about other peoples’ content. They typically say things like, “What’s the point of fighting them?” or “Why are you giving them airtime?” or something similar. Often, this is followed up by something along the lines of, “They’re not going to change their mind anyway.” This is the point I want to speak into here.
I want to make reference to the process of debate. During a debate, the goal is not to convince or persuade the person who you are debating. Instead, the goal is to convince or persuade the people in the audience. This is the principle I apply when responding to inappropriate comments or critiquing someone else’s content. I do not expect nor intend to change that particular person’s mind. I’m fact, most times I couldn’t care less what that particular person thinks about me and my response or critique. Instead, what I am attempting to do is share a counter argument or opinion to theirs's so as to give some of the people in the audience - in this case, the people reading the comments or watching the video - an opportunity to have their mind’s changed. Perhaps some people in the audience agree, either wholeheartedly or just a little bit, with what a particular person has said in a comment or shared in a video. In some cases, if I don’t reply or create content that challenges this, that audience member might not have an opportunity to have their beliefs challenged about that particular thing. Using the framework of debate, that is like only having one person on stage speaking about their opinions without anyone offering a different perspective. Do I respond to everyone? No. Is every post I share a fight with someone? No. Among other reasons (which I’ve spoken about elsewhere), my intention is to present an alternative viewpoint so that you, the people reading, have differing perspectives to draw on when coming to your own conclusions. I don’t do it for them. I do it for me (because I also learn by researching and creating content) and I do it for you. I often get asked about how to introduce bondage into the bedroom? Here are some bondage basics for beginners.
If you’re new to bondage/restraints, my 1st suggestion would be find someone you feel comfortable with exploring these things. It could be your partner, or someone who you’ve got a good sexual history with, or a trusted professional. Feeling safe with the person you’re either restraining or who is restraining you is important. Don’t try it with strangers. If you and/or your sexual partner are new to restraint play, be sure to drop some hints about your desire to explore it before actually introducing it. It is so cliché, but communication is key. You don’t want to blindside your partner with bondage gear one night and them to feel overwhelmed by it. Maybe read some erotic fiction together or watch an adult movie that accurately depicts bondage. This can help to dispel misconceptions about bondage. There is a lot of societal noise surrounding bondage and BDSM in general, so getting some quality information from sex- pleasure- and kink-positive professionals can help destigmatise your desires and contextualize the experience When you and your partner(s) feel ready to experiment with bondage, you’re going to have to decide what type of restraints you want to use. This will be determined by carefully choosing which positions you want to try. For example, you want to simply lie on your back with your hands restrained above your head. This may call for something like the Fifty Shades of Grey Sweet Anticipation Reversible Faux Leather Wrist Cuffs. Or you may desire to spread all your partners limbs out on the bed. In that case, you may need the Fifty Shades of Grey Sweet Anticipation Reversible Faux Leather Under Mattress Restraint Set. When beginning bondage, it is best to keep it simple. Cuffs and even blindfolds or ball gags are easier to introduce than harnesses and rope. If it is your partner who is new to bondage, starting simple can also make it more accessible and enjoyable for them. If your partner is the one who has more experience with bondage, ask them to explain what they’ve tried and what they haven’t, and why they liked it. |
Cam FraserThis blog aims to discuss all things masculinity, sexuality, male bodies and men's experience of pleasure. Archives
May 2022
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