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Penises are like snowflakes, no two are exactly alike ❄️ 🍆. They do the most growing during puberty, but puberty and penis growth happen at different times and speeds for everyone. According to Amara Charles, author of The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka: Teachings from the Nagual Tradition, there are nine male anatomy types; coyote, pitbull, bear, pony, horse, elk, deer, ram and dancing. Based on his observations, Darren Breen, Managing director of iMEDicare Ltd, a Medical Device Distributor specializing in erectile dysfunction, believes there are seven types of penis shapes; pencil, pepper, cone, banana, hammer, sausage and cucumber. The pencil has long and thin uniform girth with a narrow glans. The length can range enormously but it is very long and usually thinner than average. The pepper is unusually short but exceptionally thick along the entire length. The cone has a linear narrowing of the shaft to a pencil tip, sometimes linked to foreskin tightness. The banana features a curve to the left or right, either natural or caused by injury. The hammer starts with a slimmer shaft leading to a wider head, like a mushroom. The sausage is average thickness and length with a uniform girth along the length. The cucumber is thick all the way along, thicker and longer than average. It is important to know your penis, or your partner's penis, so that you know how to best use it, or please it. Length, girth, widening, narrowing, size of the glans, curvature, all these things can be explored by you and/or your partner. Learn about your penis and make the best use of what you've got. Be sure to check in with your partner about their genitals explore your compatibility. 
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Yes, testosterone is connected to libido but it's not solely responsible for it. For example, dopamine, cortisol and estradiol all impact libido. Also, women can have very high sex drives but produce hardly any testosterone. What this means is that men who blame their low desire on low testosterone may actually also have a mental block. Because our society has this story that men are supposed to want sex all the time and be able to get an erection at the drop of a hat, if a guy has a lower desire for sex or has some difficulty getting/maintaining an erection, he can feel very embarrassed, emasculated, ashamed and anxious that something is wrong with him. Because anxiety and shame can actually hinder desire, arousal and pleasure, these mental blockages can become a self-fulfilling prophesy. One way to work through this is by getting him out of his head and into his body. This could be helping him focus on pleasure, not on performance. A lot of men think they need to instantaneously get a rock hard erection, penetrate their partner for 3 hours straight, and then ejaculate. It is a very linear and very narrow way of thinking about sex. If sex doesn't look like this or if he can't perform sex like this for whatever reason, he may feel like there is no point. So, broadening your definition of sex and brainstorming or exploring other ways of being sexual together is important. That way, you can still be sexual with each other in a way that maybe doesn't involved an erection, or penetration, and instead just focusses on what feels pleasurable. I use the analogy of an Erotic Menu. Imagine that being horny is like being hungry. And when you're hungry, you and your partner choose from a menu to eat from. It's the same when you're horny, you and your partner choose from your Erotic Menu what to "eat" in order to satisfy your needs. Unfortunately, many couples only have one item on their Erotic Menu: penetration. And that might not be what one partner wants or it may be something they're not capable of at that moment. So it's important to add other things to your Erotic Menu that you can choose from in order to satisfy your "hunger."  How do you know when your partner is ready to be penetrated? Of course, your first answer to this question should be when you've asked her if she is open to it and she has responded with an enthusiastic, resounding "yes." Beyond verbal consent though are some unique bodily signs that you should try to be attuned to. Engorgement. As we get aroused, blood flows to our genitals. Penises get erect and vulvas get engorged. The colour of the skin of the labia may even change, darkening and reddening with the increased blood flow. Lubrication. Whether with her own natural fluids or with some applied water-based lube. Lack of wetness can be uncomfortable for everyone involved. Hip placement. Often tied in with the verbal and physical desire to be penetrated, your partner may move and tilt her hips toward you, like a gesture. This may also involved an arching of her back. Sound. Aside from the continued checking in and verbalizing of consent, listen for moans, sighs and other vocalizations indicating escalating arousal and desire. Energy. Tune in with what you're feeling in your own body and then see if you can pick up on what your partner might be feeling in her body. Notice any tension or something else that may make you feel that she isn't ready. Lastly, when you've really slowed down, payed attention to her, honoured your own sensations, built arousal and pleasure together, and responsed to her cues, both verbal and otherwise, hold the head of your cock at the entrance to her Yoni. Again, check in. Notice what you both feel. You may even notice that, if she is ready, her vulva will draw your cock in, almost inviting and welcoming it into her vagina, slowly, subtly, gradually. The Yoni is the sacred receptacle, the receptive pole, it can pull you in just as much as you can penetrate. Here in this moment, in this point of almost piercing the veil, about to enter the temple, ask again, "Are you ready?"  Just because you have a cock, doesn’t mean that you have to be the one in charge, or the top, or the dominant, or the person doing the penetrating, or be assertive, or be "masculine." Also, even if you are the one doing the penetrating, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in charge. You can be receptive, receiving, and vulnerable. You can be a bottom, be submissive, or be "feminine." The act of penetrating does not have to be a defining feature of being a man or being masculine and the experience of being penetrated does not have to be a defining feature of being a woman or being feminine. If you have a cock, it can be a liberating and opening experience to play with the energetic dynamics of penetration. Can you penetrate from a position of surrender and submission instead of the socially expected position of assertion and domination? Just because you have a c0ck, doesn’t mean that you have to be the one in charge, or the top, or the dominant, or the person doing the penetrating, or be assertive, or be "masculine." Also, even if you are the one doing the penetrating, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in charge. You can be receptive, receiving, and vulnerable. You can be a bottom, be submissive, or be "feminine." The act of penetrating does not have to be a defining feature of being a man or being masculine and the experience of being penetrated does not have to be a defining feature of being a woman or being feminine. If you have a cock, it can be a liberating and opening experience to play with the energetic dynamics of penetration. Can you penetrate from a position of surrender and submission instead of the socially expected position of assertion and domination?  |
Cam FraserThis blog aims to discuss all things masculinity, sexuality, male bodies and men's experience of pleasure. Archives
April 2021
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