Golden rule: Touch your partner the way they want to be touched, not the way you want to be touched
When I receive messages like this, I remember how important this work is.
Many men don't have a framework for speaking about sex and sexuality. We're often told how not to express our sexuality and what not to do. The only models that are really available for men to use as examples for expressing their sexuality are pick up artists and Tantra gurus.
I want to help normalize men's sexuality and pleasure. I want to create a new model for men that is an example of how to be comfortable with their sexuality and how to express it healthily, without any misogynistic or dogmatic overtones.
Men are human beings. Human beings are sexual beings. Men are sexual beings. There is nothing wrong with that.
It's time to break down the stigma and bust the myths around men and sex and pleasure. Time to overcome limiting beliefs and have full-bodied, self-expressed sexual experiences free of anxiety or shame.
Orgasm denial falls under the umbrella of orgasm control. Essentially, you’re not allowed to orgasm, either at all, for a specified period or until you complete a task. Orgasm denial can be a done alone, but it also works well with partners.
The idea of denying an orgasm may sound counterintuitive to pleasure. However, this kink is actually pretty common. Denying or delaying an orgasm can actually lead to a more intense experience in the end. Putting off orgasm can also create sexual chemistry. Being in control of someone’s orgasm, which includes telling them not to cum and telling them when they finally can cum, can be a turn on. Handing over that control is can also be arousing.
Everyone can experience orgasm denial, which include complete denial, tease and denial, and ruined orgasm. Some examples are denying orgasm a specific number of times before you allow yourself or your partner to orgasm, not allowing your partner to orgasm until you issue the command, not not allowing yourself or your partner to orgasm until a specific date, allowing orgasm as a reward for doing something specific, allowing orgasm only if your partner doesn't use their hands, and only allowing a certain time to reach orgasm or stopping and starting stimulation sporadically.
Sex toys such as chastity belts and cock cages are available to aid in your orgasm denial games. Locking your penis in a specially designed cage that prevents you from getting full erections or using your penis for sex can be extremely exciting for some people. Others say orgasm denial increases your sex drive and improves your focus. It also obviously heightens the stakes of a dom/sub relationship, with a master or mistress able to punish their sub by denying them not just sex but the ability to orgasm.
Of course, there are levels of orgasm denial and going straight for a cock cage may seem extreme. But, experimenting with the withholding of your or your partner's orgasm can add variety to your solo or partnered sexual experinces. It can even open the door for exploring other pleasurable sensations in your body that perhaps don't necessarily lead to orgasm.
I've spoken before about how you can intentionally use your ejaculation as a clearing tool to let go off emotional and energetic baggage you've been holding on to which has been weighing you down. You may feel lighter after an ejaculation like this, revitalized, like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.
With full awareness, we can also use ejaculation as a manifestation tool to create not only in a reproductive sense but also in an energetic sense. Of course, with an ejaculation there is the potential to conceive via fertilization of a partner's egg. However, there is also the potential to conceive an idea, to explosively bring something into existence.
Spiritually speaking, this is because your seminal fluid, your sacred fluid, is connected to your creative, life giving energy. In Yogic philosophy, it is known as ojas. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, it is known as jing. In ancient Greek medicine, it is known as pneuma.
That is why using ejaculation as a manifestation tool can make you feel depleted. Because you're using some of your own life giving energy to explosively create something else. It can leave you feeling drained. Which is why it is necessary to have a robust nourishment and self-care practice as part of your intentional ejaculation.
Learning about the ways in which you can use your ejaculation as a tool is an opportunity to establish a deeper relationship with your body and your seminal fluid in particular. It is powerful and potent. Honouring this can be a rich experience for you and your partner.
This blog aims to discuss all things masculinity, sexuality, male bodies and men's experience of pleasure.