An estimated 154 million adults, or 75% of the US population, aged ≥20 y drink coffee; 49% drink coffee daily (Loftfield et al., 2016). It's been hypothesized that coffee and/or caffeine initiates a series of pharmacological effects that lead to the relaxation of penile smooth muscle and that subsequently could improve ED (Adebiyi & Adaikan, 2004).
In a study of diabetic rats treated with 10 and 20 mg/kg of caffeine per day, caffeine consumption improved the erectile function of the rats by up-regulating penile cGMP, which causes smooth muscle to relax (Yang et al., 2013).
Analyzing data for 3724 men (≥20 years old) who participated in the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, Lopez et al. (2015) found that men who drank 2-3 cups or 3-4 cups of coffee per day were less likely to report ED compared to men who drank less than a cup per day.
In another analysis of 7,298 men aged 40-75 years old who had ED, comparing highest (≥4 cups/day) with lowest (0 cups/day) coffee intake, Lopez et al. (2018) found that long-term coffee intake was not associated with risk of ED.
There is a theory that coffee can possibly pump up testosterone concentrations, thus enhancing blood flow to the penis. For example, Wedick et al., (2012) found that caffeinated coffee significantly increased total testosterone after 4 weeks. However, Lopez et al. (2019) identified no linear relationship between caffeine intake and testosterone levels in the total population.
In any case, it appears that regularly drinking coffee isn't going to negatively impact your sexual function.
Many men that I work with have explained to me that they aren't sure how to healthily express their sexual desire, how to embody their sexual energy. They often share stories of having to mask their sexual feelings, pretending that they're not their, or pretending that they're something else.
These men are worried that their sexual energy will be intrusive or uncomfortable for the people around them. They've been told that male sexuality and masculine sexual expression is predatory and coercive - which it can be.
This is reinforced by the cultural ideal of manliness, where strength is everything while emotions are a weakness; where sex and brutality are yardsticks by which men are measured, while supposedly ‘feminine’ traits — which can range from emotional vulnerability to simply not being hypersexual — are the means by which your status as ‘man’ can be taken away.
What I say to these men is that hiding or stifling your sexual desire, pretending that it isn't there, or disguising it as something else, will only perpetuate this problem. Because often your expression of sexual feelings is then perceived as disingenuous and disconcerting.
For these men, there is need to peel back the layers of conditioning and fear. There is the fear of being "that guy." There is the fear of being aroused in public. God forbid you have an erection in public. There is the fear of sexual rejection if you do express your desires. And so on.
I teach men to comfortably embody their sexuality, to breathe into their sexual energy, to not let it create tension in their body, to cultivate integrity with their desires, to communicate with honesty from the heart.
If it isn't a banana in your pocket, and you really are happy to see someone, are you able to own that feeling, be comfortable and confident with it as you experience it in your body, be present with it and communicate it with both your body language and voice?
Try approaching it this way and see how things shift for you as well as the people you're interacting with.
Typically, the penis is quite sensitive immediately following an ejaculatory orgasm. This coincides with the refractory period and some people find their penis too sensitive to touch during this time. Hence, POT is the continued stimulation of the genitals straight after ejaculation.
Often uncomfortable and sometimes painful, POT can be likened to tickling. For a person who is ticklish, the sensation of being tickled can be overwhelming. Their body may involuntarily jerk and buck to escape. Similarly, the heightened sensitivity of the penis after ejaculation can cause that person to involuntarily kick and move to try and escape the stimulation.
Because of this, restraints are commonly used during POT. Incorporating bondage ensures the person being "tortured" cannot stop their "torturer." This adds an element of power play, whereby it puts the "torturer" in a position of power and makes the person being "tortured" feel vulnerable as they lose control over their body.
The key to successful POT is clear, open communication and consent between all involved. As this type of play does involve discomfort and potential pain, the person being "tortured" should share a safe word or physical action that indicates the "torturer" should stop.
When POT is performed on a person with a penis, try focusing on the sensitive glans. The "torture" will be most effective if it occurs while the penis is still erect. Cock rings can help maintain the erection after ejaculation.
Some people may sustain POT until the refractory period is over and the discomfort abates and the person being "tortured" is ready to continue sexual activity.
Another use of POT may be as a punishment for premature ejaculation or even as part of a game. If your partner comes too quickly, or before you, POT can be used in conjunction with other physical punishment or verbal degradation or humiliation to heighten the experience.
The term erogenous zone comes from the Greek words eros, meaning "love" and -genḗs, meaning "born." It originally referred to the now declassified mental disorder of female hysteria and the apparent areas of the body which evoked orgasm as a form of treatment (Ellis, 1914).
In the 1930s, fashion historian James Laver and psychologist John Flugel theorized that women's fashions were governed by the "seduction principle" and their clothing was designed to attract. According to them, women's fashion attracted men by selectively exposing and concealing various parts of the female anatomy. Thus, fashion change was based on "shifting erogenous zones."
So, erogenous zones have historically been defined as areas of the human body which may generate a sexual response. Specific areas of the body, such as the lips, nipples and genitals, are associated with sexual response because they have a high density of nerve endings and may have a capacity to stimulate arousal (Schober et al., 2011), especially compared to normal-haired skin (Winkelmann, 1959).
The problem with thinking about the body as having specific zones which stimulate an erotic response is that it prioritizes and even fetishizes these areas. I notice this is especially true for people in male bodies. The thinking is that they can only experience pleasurable sensations from their cock, that this is their only erogenous zone.
Really though, your whole body is one big erogenous zone. You're not just your dick, you're whole body is one big dick. Your whole body can experience pleasure. Don't limit your pleasure to one or two zones
Have you ever worried about the size of your 🍆? Over 90% of men have at one point in their life, so I'm guessing you have too. I know I have, especially when the average male p0rnstar's 🍆 is several inches bigger than the average civilian's.
This lead to a lot of anxiety about how much pleasure I could give my partner, if I could satisfy them. None of the courses I took or any of my teachers addressed this issue and so I used to think that size really, really mattered. And, in a way it does. But not in the way you may think.
What if I told you that your 🍆 is actually 3 feet long?
A concept introduced to me by @nicspads is: Instead of thinking that your 🍆 starts at your pubic bone, where your pubic hair is, imagine that it starts at the back of your neck, where the top of your spine begins. Your entire spine is part of your 🍆 and it contributes immensely to how much pleasure you and your partner experience.
If your spine is inflexible and stiff then you're not engaging it and you're not penetrating your partner with it, so you really are only working with however many inches are in your pants.
Size does matter. It matters whether or not you're spine, your 3 foot long 🍆, is being used to expand and experience pleasure.
This blog aims to discuss all things masculinity, sexuality, male bodies and men's experience of pleasure.