If you or your partner have a penis, you’ve probably seen an ejaculation. You may have even noticed that not all ejaculations are the same. For example, sometimes an ejaculation is expelled with more force and spurts like a fountain. Other times an ejaculation doesn’t have as much force behind it and instead leaks out to form a puddle.
Does it make a difference if it dribbles or shoots? Well, seminal expulsion occurs when semen is propelled along the urethra and out through the penile meatus with coordinated contraction of the external urethral sphincter, the bulbocavernosus, the ischiocavernosus and pubococcygeus muscles (Shafik et al., 2005). Therefore, it has been theorized that the stronger these muscles are, the more velocity an ejaculation has (Watson, 2018).
One study (Lee et al., 2014) observed three ejaculations of fifty different men and categorized them into three grades based on the distance travelled while lying in their back; (1) overflow – where the seminal fluid just dribbled out, (2) below the belly button, and (3) above the belly button. 54% of the men had a grade 3 force of ejaculation, while 32% had a grade 2, and 14% had a grade 1 force. 62% were a complete match on all three ejaculation samples. Those who had a grade 3 ejaculatory force reported significantly higher scores of orgasm satisfaction than grade 2 or grade 1. Thus, in this study ejaculatory force was found to be associated with orgasmic satisfaction.
According to Kasman et al. (2020), lower strength of ejaculation is positively associated with increasing age. While I know that some men I’ve spoken with perceive their orgasms as more pleasurable when they shoot their ejaculate further, and it appears there is some evidence to suggest that this may indeed be the case, this isn’t to say that an ejaculation which dribbles is any less pleasurable, because ejaculation doesn’t equal orgasm and pleasure isn’t limited to ejaculation.
Whether you dribble or shoot, there's no need to judge an ejaculation. Shooting far may be a good party trick but if you dribble it doesn't mean anything negative about your pleasure or function.
Men don't often handle their cock with gratitude and reverence. Instead, taking their cock for granted, they will use their cock to get something - an ejaculation, an orgasm - treating their cock like it has a job to do. Many men also focus on their erect cock, thinking that their flaccid cock is something to be embarrassed about or ashamed of. So, when they do touch their cock, it is usually also with the intention of getting an erection.
If you have a partner, you may not realize the profound healing effect that lovingly touching their cock can have on them.
Firstly, when men touch their own cock, they're not only receiving sensory information from their cock as they touch it, they're also receiving sensory information from their hand as it touches their cock. This double feedback can actually minimize the pleasure they feel. The cerebellum, the part of the brain which coordinates and regulates muscular activity, can predict sensations when your own movement causes them but not when someone else does. So, when you touch yourself, the cerebellum predicts the sensation and this prediction is used to cancel the response of other brain areas to the pleasure. But, when you touch him, he can experience much more sensation.
The power of your touch is amplified if you caress his flaccid penis. As shared above, men often feel embarrassed of or ashamed about their soft cock. Remember, your partner doesn't need to be erect in order to feel pleasure. On top of that, you're gentle touch of his soft cock, signaling you're acceptance of it, can help him to accept it as well.
If your partner has a penis, I encourage you to own the power you have in your hands to effect positive change in their relationship to their body by intentionally and lovingly touching their cock.
You've probably heard the saying before that, "men are more visual." While I think the reality is a little more nuanced than that, this phrase often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy for many men when it comes to experiencing pleasure.
Many men feel that their arousal is heavily connected to and dependent upon how they perceive their partner's experience to be. Men derive a lot of their own pleasure from their partner's expression of pleasure. The more excited, wet, vocal, etcetera that their partner gets, the more excited he gets.
Men care that their partner looks like they're enjoying themselves during sex. Contrary to popular belief, many men wouldn't have sex with an unmoved and physically non-responsive partner.
However, his reliance on pleasure being derived solely from what his partner looks like and whether he perceives that they're having a good time can be detrimental.
Firstly, he shoots himself in the foot regarding his own pleasure because he is experiencing pleasure vicariously through his partner. He is experiencing pleasure indirectly, thus it will be less than would he could potentially be able to feel.
Secondly, he puts pressure on his partner to look a certain way and to also express their pleasure so that he can experience pleasure. This is one reason why so many women feel the need to fake their orgasms.
So, if this sounds like something you've been doing, it might be time to change. Chiropractor and Sexological Bodyworker Betty Martin suggests that, instead of taking the indirect route to pleasure, you could take the direct route. This means focussing on the pleasurable sensations that you actually physically feel from touching or being touched by something or someone.
You can practice this when masturbating. If you're watching porn, rather than focussing solely on the person(s) in the photo/video on the screen, experiencing pleasure vicariously through them, try shifting your attention to your hands and your cock. Notice what pleasurable feelings arise when you touch yourself in a certain way. Allow pleasure to take a direct route.
The parts of the penis are the base, shaft, glans, and foreskin. Additionally, there is the corona, frenulum, scrotum and perineum.
Two areas of the penis that I encourage people to pay particular attention to are the frenulum and the perineum.
The frenulum of prepuce of penis, often known simply as the frenulum, is an elastic band of tissue under the glans penis that connects the foreskin (prepuce) to the vernal mucosa, and helps contract the foreskin over the glans.
So, the frenulum is where your foreskin meets the underside of your penis. It looks like a small V just below the head. Usually part of it remains after circumcision. And for many people, it's very sensitive.
The perineum is generally defined as the surface region between the pubic symphysis and the coccyx, the area between the anus and the scrotum. The superficial perineal pouch also contains erectile tissue.
So, the perineum is rich with sensitive nerve endings, particularly the pudendal nerve, and gets more sensitive when you’re turned on.
However, these two sensitive areas of the penis often get overlooked. During masturbation, many people with penises often focus on long strokes stimulating the shaft and also the glans. Similarly, during intercourse, people with penises often focus on deep thrusts stimulating the shaft and glans.
While this can be pleasurable, it does bypass and somewhat neglect the frenulum and perinuem, this limiting the amount of sensation you can experience. If you want to take your pleasure to the next level, try incorporating frenulum and perinuem stimulation into your sexual exploration.
This blog aims to discuss all things masculinity, sexuality, male bodies and men's experience of pleasure.