I’m looking at you, fellahs! @drnerdlove said this on our podcast together over a year ago, it has stuck with me ever since.
"This is man's biggest sexual problem: his inability to let himself be really carried away by sensuality.
Man is afraid of letting himself go. In his struggle to dominate, he feels that every sexual pleasure is a threat and he wants to control it. He dare not abandon himself to his sexuality. When he embraces a woman, he does not feel enveloped and overwhelmed by pleasure. He penetrates and wants to 'possess' her, projecting into her as if he hoped to draw from her the sensuality which he is reluctant to experience for himself.
His mind fixed on the objective, his penis aimed at the target, he does not allow himself to be caught up in the experience of two bodies discovering each other. He is afraid of losing his way; he controls and channels his sexual feelings to prevent them from spreading and causing him to lose control of himself and the situation. Instead of letting his whole body be sexualized, he confines his sexuality to his penis.
He stems the tide of pleasure at its source for fear it may submerge him if he allows it to swell. His ecstasy then becomes no more than a series of wavelets: four thrusts of the pelvis, a few drops of sperm, and it is all over."
- Emmanuel Reynaud, Holy Virility
If your partner has a penis and you're looking for a novel way to touch them, try massaging their perineum, the skin in between the testicles and the anus.
The sponge-like regions of erectile tissue in the penis actually extend back into the perineum. This means that massaging the perineum can create pleasurable sensations in the shaft of the penis.
On top of that, the prostate gland - which is responsible for prostate orgasms - can be externally stimulated by pressing firmly into the perineum.
In addition to regular massage techniques, like using your fingers to press and rub the area of skin, one way you may like to massage your partner's perineum is with your fist.
After applying a bit of massage oil or lube and warming up the area with some other touch first, gently press your fist into your partner's perineum. You may like to begin by softly kneading the skin by rotating your wrist and rolling your knuckles.
As your partner becomes accustomed to this touch, you can start to press more firmly. This applies a deeper massage to the perineum and the erectile tissue. You might even notice that as you change the pressure with which you press into your partner's perineum, the firmness of their erection will fluctuate.
When pushing your fist a bit harder into the perineum, you can also subtly shake it. This shaking creates a vibrating sensation which can feel very pleasurable for your partner.
It can be extra enjoyable for them if you also touch their penis whilst stimulating their perineum. The penis and the perineum share the same erectile tissue so it can feel like an expanded experience.
There are so many ways to explore and enjoy your partner's body, including their genitals, and this is just one way. Follow your curiosity and see what else you both like.
As I've shared before, my partner and I had a child this year. On this journey of conception, we've found a lot of conscious conception knowledge pertaining to her, hardly anything for me. I would like to contribute to the conversation by speaking into the role of men.
Firstly, it's important to note that a mother's experiences and lifestyle decisions can be transmitted to the child independently of the transmission of DNA sequences (Wolf & Wade 2009). Similarly, ejaculation can be a conduit of paternal effects, transmitting a father’s experiences and lifestyle decisions to the child, known as ejaculate-mediated paternal effects (Crean & Bonduriansky, 2014).
Environmental factors experienced by the father are the source of paternal effects, including the physical environment (e.g. pH, temperature, aridity), social or ecological factors (e.g. interactions with conspecifics, population density, mating history), experiences or emotions (e.g. stress, anxiety), toxicants (smoking, alcohol) and so on (Evans et al., 2019).
The duration of spermatogenesis, the production or development of mature sperm, is 74 days in humans (Perrard et al., 2016). Spermatogenesis, the quantity and quality of sperm produced, is influenced by several aspects, including metabolic, genetic, environmental and physiological factors (Amann, 2009).
This means that the environmental factors which the father has experienced and the life decisions he has made over the last two and a half months affect the sperm that is involved in the potential conception today.
Additionally, men should practice ejaculation retention for about a week before trying to conceive, as optimal semen quality, in terms of sperm motility and health, is reached after 3-8 days of abstinence (AlAwlqi & Hammadeh, 2017).
Learning all this, I've been reminded to treat my ejaculation as a manifestation of my lifestyle, experiences and decisions. I contribute to my progeny more so than just a DNA sequence. It is important for me to be conscious about my role in our conception journey.
This blog aims to discuss all things masculinity, sexuality, male bodies and men's experience of pleasure.